The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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