If that was your dad, he is hot
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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