Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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