this beer tastes like vomit already
false alarm. still invincible.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
