Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
