My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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