His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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