i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
