I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
