i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
