He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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