Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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