How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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