is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
