i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
soo... how was my night?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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