I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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