it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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