The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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