Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
