Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
