go do what you do best...puke behind churches
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
