I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
