we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
