I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
