Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
