I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
