Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
