Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
