I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
