What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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