its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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