u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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