the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
