the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just cropdusted the office
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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