I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
