Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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