FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
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