Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
