Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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