If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
