He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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