how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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