Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
