i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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