he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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