hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
