Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
