They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
