I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
