Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
