i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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